I am making good time on the drive out and good gas mileage too, 14mpg, considering its a light truck towing a boat, that was great.   I hit Syosset, and the LIE is closed for two exits.   Once again, no biggie, I get off take OLD country Road for a couple miles and hop back on after closure.

Now here is the part that makes me smile, while I drive most vehicles, a boat trailer is kinda tricky when backing it up.    First shot right into my cousin’s driveway and right into the spot.    I was very proud of myself.   While I usually try to remain humble, if I didn’t have short arms, I would have patted myself on the back for that.  Its funny how simple things make us smile.      I hung out with my cousin and his wife for a while as Rocks was getting used to his two dogs, then we went over to my Uncle’s for a BBQ.      Had a great time there and quite a few laughs.     As usual my uncle was his regular self, and without fail came up with his typical holiday family meal misnomer.   Recently he had the fortune to get tickets to the legend seats at the New Yankee Stadium.   Those tickets are $625 each, he got them from a friend.    Well he goes on telling his story how they feed you there, yeah, my family has this love affair with food, we all love to eat.     So he goes on telling us about the crab legs , veal , deserts and then comes the misnomer.   There was this table filled with all kinds of rizuttos, fish, meat all the rizuttos you can think of.    I had to turn my head not to laugh, I wanted to ask him if Phil Rizutto  was there too but I didn’t have the heart.       Hey UJ, its risotto not rizutto.  To funny.

Anyway it was a great time and somehow my cousin and I wound up mooning half the family.    Yeah, my family is a little excentric.   He has a pilonidial cyst, and I had the surgery for it 20 years ago, so it started off with him showing me his cyst and me showing him my scar, then his wife wanted to see, then my other cousins, and before long it was a full moon ceremony,  you can’t make this shit up, but its all in the family and a new set of memories for the holiday.

I drove back to Shirley with him to get Rocks then back to SI.  Lotsa miles, lotsa fun,  great memories, and way too much butt crack.   Signing off with the faint echo of “Dueling Banjos” ringing in my ears.

You can’t rush people’s feelings and you can’t change the rules.     People will share with you what they want to share when they are ready, you can not take matters into your own hands, even if you believe you are doing it for the right reasons.    There are always other peoples feelings involved that need to be taken into consideration.  When you cross that line of trust, sometimes there is no going back.    Today, I crossed that line, and well I hurt and upset greatly  someone very special.   I just hope it is not irreparable.    I pray to God, I didn’t push that some kind of awesome person out of my life for good.   Time will tell, time and baby steps.    I just hope that person reads this and understands how truly sorry I am.     Any words I could say wouldn’t be one tenth as important or hold any worth then the actions I need to show and take.    I just hope there is the time for proving with my actions.

The course started on April 15, 2009 and ran 3 full days.  I was off from work for the Easter Break so it was no biggie.    As I suspected there were a few mistakes/bad habits I had picked up over the years, and they were corrected immediately.   The course was fun, first day was classroom training , second day was half rider training and half classroom plus the final.   I received a 98 on the final and that pissed me off, only one question wrong.  It should of been a 100.   I tend to place very high standards on myself and get bent out of shape when I don’t meet my own expectations.   The third and final day was riding and the practical final.

All was going well on the last day, I was doing everything spot on.   However I did start to make myself nervous as it got closer and closer to the final.   There is no room to be nervous when you are riding a motorcycle.   The final consists of 4 parts a double U turn, an emergency stop, a swerve maneuver, and a diminishing radius turn.   I didn’t get to the diminishing radius turn.   I wiped out in the swerve maneuver.   For some reason unknown to me, even now after much reflection, I decided to grab the brake, in the middle of the swerve.  What happens when you do that?  Well, lets say, in my case, I have two broken ribs and a broken toe.   Falling with a bike is no fun,  Grabbing the brake while turning or swerving causes the front wheel to lock, and as your off balance from the swerve, down you go.  There is no avoiding it.

So, for the past week and a few days, I have been home from work, babying my broken ribs.   Broken ribs suck, you can’t breath right, you can’t sleep right, you can’t even find a comfortable position.   So, I sit here take my Vicoden and Motrin and go into a drug induced sleep.   I have had plenty of time to think about what happened and basically it comes down to I did it to myself.   Because of the  standards I place on myself, I got myself all worked up before the final, and that caused me to do something I know better than to do.   This was the first test I have ever failed in my life.   I thought about that too.   Perhaps this was a message, self sent to me, that its time to relax and calm down a bit.    I will get to retake the final in another week or so, and the ribs and toe will be healed soon enough.   If I don’t take this as a lesson in humility, it is going to take my ego a lot longer to heal then my broken bones.

I don’t understand. What is it that I don’t understand, you may ask? Many parents who live, work, play and have custody of their children. Note I said many, not all. Some of these parents are great. Others I just do not get. Its been over a decade and a half since my daughter’s mother and I divorced, and to this day every time I ask to see my daughter it is a constant battle. Every waking minute I do get to spend with her is a priceless reward, whether she is good, bad, cranky, ill or what have you.

Yet here, I see and also in many other places in my life parents who get to be with their kids constantly, whine and complain like children because; they have to take them shopping . . . they have to dress them . . . they have to feed them . . . they have to take them to school . . . they are wild and or destructive . . . and the list can go on forever.

Time for a wake up call folks. Did you ever wonder why your own parents gave you that infamous blessing, “you should have 6 children just like yourself when you get married?” Its because parenting is hard work, the hardest work you will ever have to do in your life and truth be told, not everyone is cut out for it. From comments I see here and there, that fact rings even louder in my ears. Listen, if you can’t handle what you created, then perhaps you should have tried birth control. IF the children you are blessed with are to much to handle, then you should consider birth control for the future. Isn’t today’s society screwed up enough, that you would taint the future with children who don’t know where they fit in or how to act and behave because their parents didn’t know how to nurture and rear them properly. Good parenting is a responsibility with much dedication involved. Children are not toys or possessions, they need to be loved, nurtured and cared for. They need to be taught responsibility, manners, hygiene, morals and ethics. Damn folks, they didn’t ask to be born, but they were, and they love you for it, now live up to your end of the bargain and responsibility.

Is this note bitter and angry, perhaps on some level coming from someone who adores children and knows their worth in our lives. . . coming from a parent, a parent of a special needs child, where the rules are different and much harder. . . coming from a parent who would love nothing more than to spend half the time with his daughter most parents get to spend with their children. Don’t take your kids for granted and don’t dare complain about their actions, because their actions are nothing more than a reflection of your parenting. Perhaps some day they will complain about you and that too, was taught to them by you.

New Years is great for making resolutions many that are never seen through. Do yourselves a favor and take a long reflective look in the mirror, then look at your children and commit to doing what you signed on as a parent to do. Remember the terms “mommy” and “daddy” are not terms for all parents. Mommies and Daddies are special people. and those titles just as special. Any female with working biological parts can give birth to a child and any male with working biological parts can sire a child. IT does not make them mommies and daddies.

This year for New Years commit to earning those special titles your children have bestowed upon you.